Fandom: Detective Conan
Bad Guy: Gin
Theme: #2—paper clip
Disclaimer: Own Detective Conan, I do not. Own the characters, Gosho Aoyama does. Making money off them, I am not. Borrow and write about them, I merely do. Talk like Yoda, I must.
Summary: Apparently, being a murderer involves a lot of paperwork. Who knew?
One wouldn’t think that being a top assassin in a monstrously large crime syndicate would involve so much paperwork. But amazingly enough, it did. It REALLY did.
Gin loved killing, he truly did. He loved using his trusty handgun to blow away unsuspecting victims. It gave him a rush like nothing else. And truthfully, he knew that the paperwork served a purpose—he was proud of his record within the Syndicate, and it was somewhat gratifying to see it spelled out like that. But overall, he would just as soon have done without.
Sighing (and feeling the overwhelming urge to shoot something), he bowed his head to the required forms and went about getting them filled out. The sooner this was done, the better.
Reason for filing: Murder
Business or pleasure? Business
For some reason, that question never failed to amuse him.
Any witnesses to the mission? A small baby in a stroller across the street seemed to have seen the shooting. Witness reacted by sucking on its pacifier and drooling.
Actions taken to deal with witness(es): None. Even I have standards. Judging by the screaming when the brat dropped the pacifier, it can’t talk anyway.
As a Syndicate, we value your opinions. What recommendations do you have for making your missions of Evil and Chaos more enjoyable? Get rid of the goddamn paperwork.
That was the end of that one. Now, the health form…
Gin didn’t understand that question. He privately wondered if Vermouth had written these things.
Have you experienced any guilt, second thoughts, or ideas about going to the police? Please note that answering “yes” will not immediately cause your execution, but may be taken into consideration in deciding your future with the Syndicate: No.
Any unrelated health concerns you feel we should be aware of: If you must know, my hair has been far less shiny as of late. I am very distraught over this, though as yet it has not impeded my ability to mercilessly kill any targets I am given.
Comments? LOSE THE PAPERWORK. We could be out killing people.
I hereby acknowledge that the above information is true to the best of my knowledge, and that I may be executed if it is found to be untrue, regardless of whether I know of the untruths or not. I also acknowledge that the Syndicate has the right to order my termination for any reason that they see fit, fair or not, with or without notification of my impending death. My remains will be dealt with as the Syndicate sees fit, and my death will be officially listed as an accident. I am perfectly okay with this.
Gin sighed his code-name to the form, paper-clipped everything together, and place it in the appropriate file. It would be examined later by a one of the Syndicate leaders, and his personal record would be updated accordingly.
He sat back in the desk chair and sighed.
He. HATED. Paperwork.
And he was still relatively convinced that Vermouth was behind this. Somehow. She had to be.
…now he REALLY wanted to go kill someone.
PS. …okay, I wish you could all see my notebook, where I hand-wrote this. And all over the margins and empty spaces I have scribbled things like “This sucks!” and “This was funnier my head!” But I’m posting it anyway because for some reason the idea continues to amuse me, even if I’m not a hundred percent sure about my execution of the idea.
Thanks for reading, all! Much love!